Reverb #'s 8

December 8 – Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. (Author: Karen Walrond)

is it funny that i have rewritten this five times? I keep going into a self exploratory tangent. eventually i will be able to say what i mean in ten words or less. *ahem* so. recently, i have struggled with being different but it doesn't seem to be in a way that lights people up....well, not on a large scale. But on the small scale, being me works pretty good :) i am fine with that. i will clarify. There have been a series of events in my life that would change anyone's character. But I survived and that was for two reasons: because I am strong and fight and because I have a source of strength that doesn't run out, even when I do. These experiences and my response to them are what has made me different. Some people appreciate it, others don't. And such is life :) It used to bother me, being a recovering people please-ing addict, I wanted everyone to like me. Eventually I saw that some people aren't worth pleasing. It is worth it to not waste time being what will make others happy and be, instead, who you are. This may not work so well at first, it may feel like a lot of rejection, but in the end you'll have real relationships for real and good reasons. Isn't it funny how one person's opinion can help you stand against all the rest, if it's the right relationship? So I guess to answer the question, here is what I think makes me beautifully different (sorry if it seems a little....i dunno...darker or serious or melodramatic....but i am honest and that includes both sides): 

1. I like doing things for people, like cook something really tasty. People light up when they get pampered and I like to see that. 
2. My husband has called me a veteran of (life's) war (i don't mean to offend any real veterans by saying that) and I think that fits really well. I have survived some stuff, and while that's made me a little hard on the outside, people also know who to go to when the battle is that bad.
3. I encourage. 
4. I laugh at a lot of things. Some people think I'm a nerd for it, but my friends appreciate it. A close friend who is now on the other side of the country often tells me she can hear my laugh in a text or in a picture when she knows I would be laughing and so laughs too.
5. I am creative and it is in being creative that I am most happy. 
6. I have a different perspective on things because I have, at one point, lost everything. When you start to regain what you lost, you see it very differently. 
7. I have had a Pulitzer prize winner tell me, after asking me if i thought the college i went to had given me the tools to accomplish the project I had done as well as I had, that HE thought what I did was something great because of who I am not because of where I was. That this was something so ingrained in me, I couldn't help it.  
8. I also have a different perspective because at, one point, I didn't want to be here anymore. No one likes to hear this one, its awkward but whatever. It came down to this: I ultimately realized that I had to make a choice and stop agonizing over my self-worth. Live or die. I chose to live. Why? Because I am here so I might as well be ALL here, 100% present. I know, you were expecting something like "Because life is amazing and beautiful, who wouldn't want to live?!" Well, yeah, sure, it is amazing; but it's also sick and twisted and horrible and you're going to see some things you never wish you had or experience things that are going to knock you to the ground! However, I can guarantee that when you have CHOSEN to be here and you have full knowledge on levels you didn't know existed that you could have chosen to just die, your priorities change. You choose to be something more and life opens up. You see the real beauty in learning from life, not just the waterfalls and butterflies. You have hope and faith and believe because you endured and it was worth it. Its so empowering that you don't let anyone take what you have chosen with their judgmental pride. You begin to see truth, the source of being free.      

Reverb #'s 6 & 7

December 6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)

Let me put it this way: every scrap of randomness we find at my grandma's house makes me want to make something. It's not that I don't have the time, it's that I don't have the space! But that's changing soon, so stay tuned for good things to come in 2011 LOL

December 7 – Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Author: Cali Harris)

I think I started the "community makeover" here in the last few months. I realized that a vast majority of the community I had was not at all the community I wanted. I couldn't relate to it and the values were different. There was a core group that I loved and connected with but... anyway. That's when I started to look into blogging, podcasts, etc. To find people with common interests. I am still stumbling through that though, learning how to do it. Now that we have moved too, the community is pretty different and I find myself surrounded by people who have me feeling a lot less alone and much more at home :) We are already brainstorming new ideas for 2011, like having craft nights and classes and get togethers for events... its all one piece at time with this chess game right now, but I am seeing a light at the end of the tunnel!

Reverb #'s 4 & 5

I am sure I am not supposed to be doing like....three at a time, but I have this sense of urgency to catch up since it just turned into the new year! How can i make a new year's resolution if i haven't reflected on the last one? how over-achievingly perfectionist am i? next up....

December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)

Hmm well ok so this is going to sound a little goofy, i think, but it's true. When I was younger, I was good with kids. Like...kids LOVED me and everyone said I should be a teacher and then I did a teaching thing and found out really fast that I was NOT a good teacher. At least not a natural. Fast forward, i dunno, ten years and I have gone through all this personal life stuff, including turmoil over not having kids and my brothers having kids but I'm not and so then i kind of avoid kids and then i get over the whole thing and I have this thought of, "I am not good with kids anymore, I'm going to do stuff with kids."

I guess I wanted to reconnect with something good about my old self. So...

I signed up to do kid's church once a month at my church :) It was good times and I enjoyed it immensely. I dunno that I was the best teacher ever, but i know i changed from the beginning to the end. I improved, felt more comfortable, and took some pride in being able to entertain 10-14 pre-k kiddos for an hour and half. 

So to answer the question, HOW I did that was to approach it from a sense of enjoying seeing things through they're eyes and allowing myself to learn from them. Not seeing myself so much as the adult, although that is needed to help them...but if you want to know how to have patience with kids, try just not thinking so high and mighty of yourself and empathize with them a little. Its more fun, at least with sunday school.

December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)

Wow, well, i think i let go of more this year than I ever have in any other year that i can think of. Especially people though. I thought there was this group I wanted to be a part of. And I was wrong, so I let that go. More so, my husband and I let go of the place we grew up and had roots. We moved to a whole new state, let go of conventional wisdom to do what we felt led to do, and it has worked out for the better so far. Things are still changing, but I don't regret the move. And I don't regret the letting go.

 

Reverb10 #'s 2 ad 3

December 2 – Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it? (Author: Leo Babauta)

I would say that I cook, clean, interact with others but really it all contributes to my writing. I couldn't write without influence, food or some sense of order to keep my brain from being distracted. These things are all needed. And the other things I do lately...help my grandmother, encourage my husband and support my brother... well they might not contribute to my writing but I won't eliminate it. That's pretty much my life right now. 

December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)

We were swimming in the pacific, the bay was warm and clearer than any other water I had ever been in. Glassy, soft, enveloping. All the while that we explored,  a haze over our vision from fogged up lenses and sand stirred up by the occasional rolling wave. The rocky barrier was invigorating to climb over, the current pulling one direction and then the next, the water getting so shallow you could barely float over the jagged surface. It was an adventure, the possibility of unknowns and being overcome together. It was an experience to get the adrenaline up a notch in your system. We swam past and on and on, clicking noises of the fish eating algae off the rocks, eagerly we looked for more and more life. Its a strange, indescribable feeling when the earth drops out from under you...and yet you're floating...its ominous, the concept of depth is there in all its undeniable reality. Its overwhelming, invigorating, inviting and frightening. We float there for a moment, taking it all in- The drop in the waters temperature, deeper gradient of the blue, the unmistakable feeling that out there something could be much bigger than you and hungry enough to consider you a meal. When I can't take it anymore, I tap out, pulling my husband's arm to get his attention. His eyes are wide, he nods and holding hands we turn to go.

One Word

December 1 - One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

The first word that came to my mind was "Hope" and I had to think about it a little before I even knew the extent of  why that word is so descriptive for 2010. So much happened! I probably won't even remember it all if I list it. The DIY wedding, moving five times,  money concerns, job changes, family matters, family health matters... I suppose 2010 will be remembered as a year of change, transition, but within all of that commotion you have to have something to hold on to or you'll just get washed away by it all. It's the hope for something better, maybe, or the hope that things are not as out of control as they seem. That it's all, in someway, Ok. Maybe you know why, maybe you don't, but knowing is the key to it. The faith that feeds the hope and vice versa. Its hard to have one without the other.

I hope (there's that word again) that in 2011 the word will be Growth. I was going to say "fulfillment" like the fulfillment of a promise you're hoping for, but I think even progress towards fulfillment of a promise would be enough for me :) And Change is different that Growth. Growth means you have a place to take root, it means you've found a foundation and you're settling in, getting a process going. I could go for that!

Reverb10

So I am late to the game on this but it seems like such a great idea that I decided to go for it anyway. You should check out Reverb10 for more info or just to peruse the concepts of others. Here's the general rules:

Here are the rules:

1. The Reverb 10 challenge starts at midnight on Dec 01, 2010 and ends at 11:59pm on Dec 31, 2010. Each day we'll post the prompt to reverb10.com.
2. Create something, blog or journal on each of the 31 days.
3. Tweet (using the hash tag #reverb10) to signal you'd like someone from Team Reverb to visit your blog and read your post. Tag it #reverb10 on Delicious.
4. Support the community by reading and commenting on one other person's post each day.

I barely squeezed in! but i am going to do it anyway. Isn't this a fantastic way to wrap up the year? =D I am excited. Ok gonna go work on the first one.